6 years, 7 months (Day 2408) – a beginning

Well, quite a length of time has passed since I last posted anything, or had much to post. Incidentally, this will apparently be my 100th post, which seems fitting.

5 years after top surgery, my scars are nearly invisible, mostly aided by the fact that between 19 and 24 I have become an exceedingly hairy beast. My nipples, having been virtually numb to touch the last time I posted, have recovered completely. Although they had regained the ability to sense touch within a number of months, it has only been in the past few years that cold, heat, pain, pleasure or any other sensation aside from mere pressure has been able to register.

After 7 years on T, contrary to leveling out as I used to expect, both the effects and the effort of maintaining this kind of medicated existence have remained tumultuous. Several years ago, I discovered, unhappily, that Dr. P. had moved on, and the new doctor assigned to me in his stead was immediately resolved to lower my testosterone levels. Dr. P. had in the past expressed the same concern, but found it to be inexplicably impossible to control them, and had finally resigned to a “well, as long as you feel good” methodology.

Normally, a guy my age should, apparently, have a total testosterone level between 250-1100 ng/dL, and a free testosterone level between 35 and 155 pg/mL. My levels have always been drastically elevated, between 1200-1700 of total testosterone, and 325-475 of free testosterone, depending on where in my injection cycle I was. Obviously, my risk of suffering a horrible death from any and all common male health problems was exponentially higher than normal people.

So I certainly had no judgements when my new doctor, Dr. M., advised me to cut my dosage in half, although I was concerned for such a drastic change. However, at my next blood draw, Dr. M. reported — bemused — that my levels had not changed in the slightest, and instead suggested a quarter dose every week rather than a full dose every two weeks. Although this showed a large drop in my levels, within two months — despite 6 years of its cessation — I had begun menstrual cycles full-on, as if the entirety of my transition had never happened. Dr. M.’s assurance that my levels were satisfactory was no consolation, and I made the personal decision to revert to my bi-weekly 2cc injections. The cycling ceased, but I was back to where I started.

Months later, after making an appointment with a different doctor, at her request I began injecting every three weeks instead, a schedule I have continued with seemingly great success for the past 6 months or so. Several effects that I had simply become accustomed to and had forgotten were attributed to extremely high testosterone have disappeared, such as feeling volcanically hot at almost all times. In addition, the cramping that I used to have at the end of the second week — immediately preceding my shots — has also all but disappeared. I feel fantastic.

After the first few months, I was tested at the lowest end of the cycle, several days before I would inject, and for the first time since beginning transition, it was reported that my levels were utterly normal; 414 and 90 of total and free testosterone, respectively.

However, another test a week after taking a shot — halfway through the cycle — was not so optimistic. My total testosterone had jumped to 1400 again, and the free testosterone to 400.

On Tuesday I return for a third blood panel, skipping the shot I would normally do on Sunday, in order to confirm that my spectrum of testosterone levels is indeed that wide. I will then await the next instructions from a team of befuddled doctors, all of whom have never seen a case like me in their careers, and have admitted plainly that no one knows how to treat me.

The difficulty of these past three years has convinced me, finally, to begin the next and final step of my transition. Although I have had thoughts of a hysterectomy many times, I have realized that the time has come to make it happen. My body, battling a hormonal war within itself since the very beginning of first puberty, is ready to be rid of the organs that fight to regain control even after 6 years of lying dormant.

I am ready.


~ by geekbynature on May 24, 2014.

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