2 months, 4 days post-op

21:10

At eight weeks, the incision scars have flattened out to the extent that they can hardly be felt when running fingertips across my chest. The colour, after a month of Kelo-Cote usage, has also faded considerably, although more in tone than contrast; while obviously still evident, the colour more resembles a light sunburn pink rather than a deep scarred purple. The areolae, as well, have taken on a natural pinkish-beige in contrast to the radiant pink displayed of late. They have regained a very slight amount of sensation; while unable to recognize pain, both the nipples and the areolae are capable of feeling the pressure associated with touch. This is a tremendous development, as complete numbness had persisted up until merely a few weeks past.

The small translucent sutures have fallen out; or rather, were not actually attached at all, a fact I discovered in a moment of annoyance as I happened to pull on them, and, to my great astonishment, they came out quite effortlessly. Some fatty tissue has migrated back into the breasts, providing both padding and a pleasing pectoral contour, more natural than the flattened, sunken chest wall that had remained after surgery. I have also rather rapidly gained back a large amount of body fat and muscle, although my overall weight remains at a concerning 15 less than ideal.

In the midst of the summer, I realize how astonishing the change of body temperature is. Without the heavy, dual-layered, spandex binder hugging my torso from neckline to hip, I realize that the intense and unbearable heat experienced last summer, through which I felt I barely survived, was not caused by the testosterone as much as I had believed. Though certainly exacerbated by such, without the extra layer I experience none of the heatstroke, dehydration, chronic fatigue or constant sweating suffered throughout the previous year.

After a month without the surgical binder, as well, I have begun to become accustomed to the idea as well as the profound sensation of wearing only one shirt — no matter what shirt. I had, I realize while wearing each one for the first time since surgery, subconsciously memorized its look and feel; as I prepare to step outside for disposal of trash or recycling or to check the mail, the initial thought springs to what I am wearing; a selection of shirts, namely those with large logos covering the chest portion, were able to hide me without a binder with the help of some slouching; and these I often would wear around the house or to short trips outside to avoid the constant discomfort of binding. Others, such as muscle shirts or sleeveless basketball jerseys, were not only revealing but also, simply not designed to fit over such extremities. In this, I have also noticed that a large collection of my shirts are rather uncomfortable. As most of my shirts were tested, bought and worn with the binder, I seldom felt many of them against my skin; particularly, I am acutely aware of and exceedingly bothered by tags, loose threads and bunching of seams where a loose thread may have once been pulled.

In the middle of August, I am able to not only wear a t-shirt, but also to tuck it in; where previously, tucking any shirt in would manifest a personal volcanic sauna between shirt and binder.

My range of motion has recovered almost completely, with minor pain only during high reaches or concentrated use of chest muscles, such as lifting a heavy object from a height. Though I lack the energy for much exercise, I am able to produce push-ups, pull-ups, sit-ups and crunches with no difficulty. Although I still exert caution with things heavier than 50 or 60 pounds, my lifting capability is no longer limited by pain tolerance.

I find, surprisingly, that I am comfortable shirtless in the presence of others, although the only people to witness it as a daily occurrence have been my mother and a childhood friend, having recently spent several nights in each other’s immediate vicinity. Even to those who are entirely unaware of my transition, I no longer experience the paranoia of someone seeing my chest upon waking up, walking to the bathroom, showering or dressing.


Today, nearly 9 weeks.

The left nipple.

The right nipple.

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~ by geekbynature on August 22, 2009.

2 Responses to “2 months, 4 days post-op”

  1. Looking really good man!

  2. Hi, thank you for your blog. It has been a great reference for me. I am considering a similar surgery and I’m torn. I’m having a hard time deciding if it will be worth it. I feel like the long scars under the breast will make me feel embarrassed to the point where I wouldn’t want to take off my shirt in public anyway. it’s been a few years since your surgery now. How do you feel about it? Would you mind sharing new pictures so that I can understand the long term results? Thanks, and I hope all is well.

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