I’m not sure I can say much more than others here already have.

I was in that ’shame and guilt’ session with you. I know that you and I didn’t speak directly; but looking at you was a bit like looking in a time-warp mirror. I looked at you and saw a lot of my younger self. Reading this blog entry intensified that to a degree. (The only thing I’d change is that my lament was that I’d wished I’d been born a “normal boy” to spare everyone else and me all this heartache.) BTW, my mom was there at the conference with me on Friday night and Saturday. I pointed you and your mom out to her; it’s a shame we didn’t all meet.
Thing is, I’ve “aged” as a lot of men do, and my mom – and my girlfriend- are both so youthful, people don’t realize who they are next to me! (I’ve had my mom mistaken for my wife more times than I can count, which has become a running gag.)
I never had the opportunity to meet another trans man until long after I’d been on T. Internet connections didn’t exist then either. I did my transition in a rather quiet alone world – and as much as the transphobia can get you; it is rather pleasant (on the flip side of the coin) to know you’re not alone.
Very very very few of us would wish this journey on our worst enemy – but I think there are a lot of us who can look back, after it’s all said and done, and say that the journey made us some rather neat human beings.
Hang in there, young one. It will all work out.

YOU are the amazing one! Thank you for happening to me.

Your loving Mom

Thank you for your comments, The courage it takes to make them, and the honesty within them are familiar to all of us. Those of us who are now working to make changes STILL wish we could have been born as one or the other, not a crazy mix of both. When i was asked recently by a reporter how I wanted to be referred to, my answer was ‘as a woman”. I then retracted that statement and told her that i wanted to be referred to as a transgender woman so that the world around me could see that I am just like them. I have my own challenges and my own fears and my own doubts, but I am just like they are. I concluded that we all have differences and similarities, and that the area I am different is different from most people, but I am still more similar than different.

As I read your blog, one thing stood out that I really wish I had been able to say 30 years ago…”I’m just a fucking kid. Give me a break.” It took me way too long to get to the point where I can say to the world “Yes. I am transsexual. I am who I am and I can not change it, I can only live with it. I am proud of who I am, and I make a difference. Can YOU say the same?”

I hope that your transition is quick and that you are able to blend in and leave this turmoil behind. That is the first step in changing the world…knowing it has no hold on you. Then after you have made that leap and are safe and comfortable, I hope you will then make a choice to give it up and step back in to the cesspool and pull others out.

You are the person I put this conference on for, and those facing your battle.

As a parent, it goes against my better judgment to disagree with a fellow parent, but I do not think you are ready to help others until you are wither really pissed off or well on your way to being healthy with yourself, especially as a kid.

Someday, my young friend, you will be the hero another Jason looks up to, just as you look to Jameson.

Peace and health.

Erin

Finding the balance that works in your own life requires effort, but it isn’t static either. It expands and contracts just like our very breath.

Thank you for being willing to share your experience.

Thanks so much for the support. I must say; when I was writing this post it seemed to me meaningless rambling; so it is of some surprise that it makes perfect sense to others.

Incidentally, it was my mother also who told me that everyone at the conference probably wished they weren’t trans — even the ones who seem so proud and active, changing the workplaces, schools and society. But to hear it from other trans people is definitely a comfort.

Jason

I read your blog entry re: 168 and reflecting on the IFGE trip. I am trans also (MTF). I appreciare your struggle. We all do in one way or another, although each in their unique way. But I have to say that I was really struck by the exceptional and incredibly powerful “voice” you have in writing. Fresh. Very real. Very human. You have a gift.

I wish you the best on your journey.

Danielle

Living longer in our birth gender only complicates everything. Relationships – children – careers – all these aspects of adulthood make transition harder, not easier. Each of us has a right to be who we are as long as we respect the rights of others to do the same. T folk do not directly harm others – though our existence certainly does challenge those close to us! But love – their love for us AND our love for them ultimately make the transition successful. I expect you will find this to be true.

Keep posting – you’re good at it!

Sandra

I have read through the archives of your blog, and found it one of the most helpful and interesting transition diaries I have read.

I totally understand… sometimes the hate, and fear, and fact that we can never ever be normal gets me down too.

You are in my thoughts, and in my heart. I hope that you feel better soon. *hugs you tight*